it's ok in the day . . .

I don't really know how to get angry and stay angry. I think it's an important emotion though. I think it can be a source of power, especially the righteously indignant kind.

family reunion

my mama's family reunion was this weekend. It was bittersweet. I feel so disconnected from my family sometimes, like I'm on the outside looking in.

That's me, always on the periphery.

I don't know if I do that actively or if that's just how it goes. i wasn't feeling well which didn't help the situation. I did meet some cool cousins though.

Janelle Monae is the truth!

so I finally made it to see Janelle perform live. Me and my motley crew of text and myspace solicited friends arrived to the funky bougie AUC alumni peppered venue at about 10:30. It was hot but there were free drinks and food. After performances by other folks (slick and rose and phoenix), it was time for Janelle!

She ran on stage and started to rock it out! People were crunk! But then . . . the po po's turned off her mic!! Apparently there had been complaints about noise from the residential area surrounding the venue. Why did she keep on performing with no mic?!!! She was phenomenal!!!

I can't say enough about Ms. Monae. What a great night!

happy birthday to me

it's my birthday and i'm not sure how I feel. I had this great build up for a terrific night but the timing was off so it didn't come through. sigh . . .

i miss the good ol' days of undergrad where you never wanted for a party companion and parental resources helped ease those exorbitant club covers. sigh . . .

close but no concert was my night last night. but it's a new dawn it's a new day and I'm 24! life is quite the interesting ride is it not?

More More More

I want more in my life right now. More sunshine, more peace, more down time, more everything.
But my life is pretty full, pretty good, I shouldn't be complaining. You can't always get what you want when you want it and then of course there's that issue of what to do when you get it.

I've never been good with the free time I claim to want. I don't know what to do when I'm not supposed to be something. I need to work on that. I need to work on putting myself first.

I need to go to a meeting : )

liminal and interstitial spaces

I'm in between things right now. It's a weird place to be. Grad school has me doing all kinds of theoretical gymnastics instead of acting right now. I'm again wondering if this is the right space for me. Academia can be stagnating. I'm in love with words today. Got some things i need to work on:

1. the proliferation of stripper culture everywhere! (essence- check the comments, King of Queens, the art of attraction - see paragraph 2 of fair and balanced, the (white) rapper show)
2. The new black man in movies and the negative portrayal of women in the process (Daddy's little girls, Reign Over Me, Norbit, Black Snake Moan, I think I love my Wife)
3. Beyonce, Tyra, et. al
4. a fellowship application
5. an exam committee
6. My Project
7. My Life!

I don't use the B word. I don't like it. I was trying to replace it with another epithet but I couldn't come up with any that didn't ultimately implicate a woman in some way. Bastard, Mother F*cker, cocksucker (misogyny and homophobia?), etc. I got nothin' . . .

Part of being in graduate school is complaining about the inordinate number of papers and pages you have to write. It's part of the culture and it's the social acceptable thing to do, like offering someone something to drink when they come over. It's a must. I'm pretty good at it but I need to hone my skills of completion as it relates to the papers themselves. Oh what a world!

stuff

Rasheeda is my new favorite artists that I shouldn't like.
Check out my interview in Callaloo, i'm not that happy with it but it's my first scholarly publication.
I don't like Jim Jones.
My stomach is uneasy today, probably because i turned in the ford application today. I'm not that confident.

Also, I've been thinking a lot about intentional community and what kind of a friend I am and what kind of friends I have. I've been thinking about how when people hurt me I cut them off, something i've been on the receiving end of as well. It seems like that's not the best way to go, everyone makes mistakes right? but what about when mistakes turn into patterns of behavior, or when unspoken tension develops? How do you address these? And what if your the only one who wants to address? What if you don't? How do you deal with friends that your friends with that aren't friends with each other? What are those best practices?

Tearing Down the walls of convention, with the wrecking ball of creativity

Why is andre 3000's Class of 3000 the hottest cartoon since . . . I don't even know! Please make time to catch it, it's one for your kids' kids' kids!

Motivation

Why am I up at 3:40 AM, you ask? When I have to be in class in 5 hours?

Because of this:

" Wow! Moya- This is an exemplary paper: eloquent and perceptive and economical. A pleasure! Bravo!" 100

So of course I've got to deliver on this one too, right? It's been a while since my all nighter days . . .

That paper was the one on Kathleen Butler Hathaway that I mentioned in another post. I think my love for the book wouldn't let me short change it.

I saw Catch a Fire tonight too. The Director (guy who did Rabbit Proof Fence), Derek Luke, Patrick (the real guy on which Luke's charater is based), bonnie the lead actress (watch for her), and the screen writer were all there for question and answer. It was amazing! We really need to go see this movie opening weekend!!!!

That's all folks.

stuff

So I'm at this conference, which is great! expanding my thinking and now i feel like i have a real project. i'm not just saying things anymore not only that but i'm saying things that are adding something new to the conversation! But i really want to know when we (so called progressives) are really going to be about the real redistribution of wealth. I can't say I'm tired of talking about it, or that I'm ready to give up my privelege, but i do know that the process needs to be expedited.

And now for something completely different, i'd really like to talk with someone who has heard b'day, specifically upgrade you and irreplaceable and i can't find any black people who have heard it! Please can't I find someone to deconstruct B with me? Am i only one that finds her lyrical (p)ro(e)gression awe inducing? Bills to Independent women to cater 2 u to upgrade you to irreplaceable? The choice of the tracks (why is she coming so hard on upgrade you and irreplaceable sounds like - at the end kind of looks like- an athem in the vain of we are the world/heal the world)? The gradual erasure of her black features, personality, and size juxtaposed against her increasingly over the top, erractic, behavior in videos? Is her non-existant personality and act of resistance that protects her privacy? Are her lyrics just words or do they reveal things about her and jigga's relationship? Does it even matter that she has no personality in "real" life?

Pop Culture, my obsession!

Affirmation

turn out was low but spirits were high. It gave me hope for Morehouse. Gave me hope for what is possible.

MAN is a genius! As were all the other panelists. BGS's fearlessness is a sight to be hold. There's a comfortableness that comes with being a seasoned activist and scholar, so very different from the fervent. Combustible, sometimes erratic energy of the young activist. I am growing!

I love that space where I am affirmed. It makes the mission and my direction clear. The goal is imaginable though its not yet in my sights. it's real magic! Real inexplicable connection that feels ethereal.

Katherin Butler Haraway wrote a memoir called The Little Locksmith. It was strange to read my thoughts and emotions generated by a woman's experiences 70+ years before I was born. I saw aspects of my "self" produced and explicated by someone's life that was apparently very different from mine. It struck me very deeply and I almost didn't know how to write about it for class. I felt affirmed in her story and it's similarity with other women's stories I know was intersting as well.

Conference and things

Breaking Bread at Spelman

TOWN HALL MEETING: Anti-Rape Forum
(CALLING ALL WOMEN AND MEN WHO ARE AGAINST VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN)

In the aftermath of the alleged rapes of Spelman students over the past two weeks and the backlash against the organizers of the anti-rape student protest spearheaded by FMLA, there will be a town hall meeting on Friday, October 6 in Cosby Auditorium @ 7pm (place could change) to engage in dialogue about how we can stop violence against women in the AUC and around the globe. This is forum for a consciousness raising and a call to action.

Panelists will include: Mark Anthony Neal (Duke University professor/wrirter/critic), Beverly Guy Sheftall (Women's Center), Sulaiman Nuriddin (Men Stopping Violence), Patricia McFadden (Cosby Chair in the Humanities) and will be moderated by M. Bahati Kuumba (Spelman, scholar/activist).

NWSA Student Pre-Conference

Thursday, June 28, 2007

The National Women's Studies Association Student Pre-Conference will offer time to explore the unique concerns of the undergraduate and graduate student constituency of the NWSA.

This half-day pre-conference is intended to strengthen student involvement within the organization as part of NWSA’s 30^th anniversary celebration and in conjunction with the General Conference theme, “Past Debates, Present Possibilities, Future Feminisms: A Women’s and Gender Studies Conference Celebrating 30 Years of NWSA.”

The NWSA Student Pre-Conference aims to:

• Engage students in cross-disciplinary discussion
• Promote and increase activism among NWSA student participants
• Increase membership in NWSA among undergraduate and graduate students
• Promote mentoring for undergraduates considering women’s studies training in graduate and professional settings
• Offer professionalization sessions for graduate students

The NWSA Student Pre-Conference invites proposals, including, but not limited to, the following topics:

• The role and voice of students within NWSA
• Transitioning from undergraduate to graduate school
• Feminist activism as undergraduate vs. graduate students
• How to create a feminist campus community
• Fostering feminist sustainability
• Surviving and thriving in graduate school
• Navigating the academic job market: from job search to job offer
• Feminist organizing across racial/ethnic lines
• Careers and internship opportunities for women’s and gender studies minors/majors/MAs/PhDs
• Merging scholarship with activism
• History and the current existence/activity feminist organizations by and for women of color
• Non-women studies students doing women studies work in their respective disciplines/mainstreaming women studies

Proposals from current students that address both undergraduate and graduate student concerns are especially encouraged. All proposals must be submitted online at www.nwsaconference.org by November 1, 2006.

Lame and other things

So i'm in this feminist disabilities class and i'm learning so much. I'm learning how uncomfortable temporarily abled people (TAP) are with impairment. One of the major ways this has come out is through the language us TAP's use without even realizing that it's hurtful. In particular "lame" is a word that has lots of currency in a lot of settings and because it's lost it's referent i.e. people don't use it to mean someone who has difficulty walking/is unable to walk, it's bandied about without much regard for the populations that find it offensive. Other words that fall in this category include:

retarded
crazy
psycho
handicapped
rides the short bus
dumb
freak
schizo
stupid
lunatic
etc.
gyped (I didn't know this came from gypsy)

What's interesting is that the groups that are most affected by these words and phrases are made so invisible by society that the effects of these words are often never checked, and when they are it's not in a way that most people hear. Just think about how surprised the Black Eyed Peas were when they're was an immediate response from disability groups after the release of "Let's get Retarded" which was subsequently changed to "Let's get it Started." Hyphy music hasn't come under fire yet (I think) because not that many people have heard it.

So i'm trying to be more conscious of the words I use and it's hard. And this is of course is why feminists are regarded as uptight language police that destroy everything fun and playful within slang and vernacular (Isn't a "beater" more interesting than A-line tee or tank top?).

Disordered eating and other things

I got up this morning and went to this conference I wasn't sure I wanted to go to. But I went and it was great. Not because of what I learned for my project but what I learned for my self. I went thinking that the conference was going to be about challenging media's constructions of body image, and it was only to those presenting, body image was tied to weight and attractiveness. not race so much or ability or class or sexuality, not all those other interlocking systems that I think are crucial for any good feminist to include in her research.

so I managed to silence this inner critic long enough to learn something about myself. In a session with clinicians talking about "disordered eating" I learned that these episodes of disordered eatings have triggers. Common ones include stress, anxiety, childhood sexual trauma, parents divorcing, etc. Another one was saying yes when you really want to say no.

now that gave me pause. It made me think of the full and ever filling google calendar of mine and as well as the ever tightening waistband of my pants. Are these connected?

and so I was inspired/ reinspired to make time for me although I'm still unsure of what that means and how that looks and whether I'm really ready for it. Returning to the blog is one part of it. The writing helps me think and helps me process. And I always feel good getting things out in cyber space.

so aha, do call it a come back :)

Recharged

I'm feeling good again! Like i've got some work to do and it's managable. I'm feeling recommitted and motivated. I watched Afro-Punk and Dogtown and Z-boys for the first time and I'm feeling very much on my DIY! I'm feeling like I can do things and make things happen and I don't have to wait on others to be there too! I'm feeling good!

light bulbs

i've had a flurry of ideas lately. i've thought of all these little schemes to make money, but i don't have the resources to make them happen. or the time. I just want to hand these babies over to people who will make it happen, and get a cut as the idea person. I'm wondering if this is really a sign i don't want to be where i am right now.

Knowledge from K. Kookie

Have you ever heard a song, but never really heard the song until something happens and then you understand it on a whole another level? Do you think that's possible with Jazz?

when keeping it real goes . . . right?

I've been telling people in my life to check me. I want people in my life to call me out when I'm not on my work like I should be. I want to be in community with people who want to be checked too. not hostilely or cruelly but from a place of clarity and a genuine desire to offer assistance when you know someone is potentially hurting themselves or others. So i've asked people to sign up and some have and it's been humbling. It can be painful to hear others speak on things you thought you'd concealed quite nicely or things you claim but don't necessarily practice.

it's got me thinking about the work of the world again and that old ass phrase that i've yet to internalize that the revolution begins with self. Been feeling like that girl in t-leg's poem that's out in the street instead of doing the work she needs to do at home.

i'm on the brink of breakthrough, just need a little nudge over the edge.

I'm on my nicole richie

you know it's really bad when you start using words that aren't in your vocabulary.

i digress . . .

i had sooo much fun in the bay. I enjoyed NWSA! All the folks of color I had talked to previously said it was not a place for us. I think it was different this year thanks in large part to Pat and Tricia! I feel so inspired.

Here's a listing of highlights:

1. rebecca took her mom to task, it was weird
2. angel and her friends can cook!
3. the panel went well
4. Fallon danced in a drummer's circle!
5. Met some cool people
6. had great thai food
7. saw some great presentations.

I am the quintessential workaholic but i think i may be even passed my mark, especially since it's the summer time. Something has to give.