You deserve better girl!

So I'm with Jah 100% on the Mario fanaticism! I love that he's been #1 on billboard for six weeks, proof positive that we all aren't looking for soldiers, nor do we want to be "lovers and friends" as defined by usher, lil' jon, and luda. I'm willing to overlook the archaic promise to protect and the somewhat materialistic mention of jewelry because he just wants her to make him her selection. I hope tht the rest of the album is just as innocent. He's on that Ray J, usher first album tip. ya'll don't know nothin' about that . . .

I got nothin' but love for ya'

So I went to spikes School Daze party and a combination of factors (the postponement, the time change, the fact that it's a Sunday night, the weather) all contributed to a poor turn out. I feel bad, especially since I left early. We did get free autographed copies of spike DVD's. Much to my chagrin I got She Hate Me. He's going to be on a panel with Dr. Guy-Sheftall on Tuesday and as much as I wanted to put him on blast with an expertly crafted question, I've gotten to know him and he's nice. He 's genuine and loves Spelman and Morehouse in the way that only a legacy can love them.

I've been getting lots of blog feedback and it's been very encouraging to hear from people I wouldn't expect to be listening. Maybe the blog will be a tool not just for indy media but for social change as well.

PYT

So Cate's got me thinking about visioning and how if you believe it, it becomes reality. Thus far in my life i've been too skeptical, too something, to think about putting that into practice but I can feel that previous pessimism wearing on how I view myself and it's time for a change! I was reading some things I wrote as a first year and sophomore and I was much more self assured then than I am now. I'm not sure what happened but I am going to try to get back to that. With that said I want to love me, the PYT I am and get back to who I was and will be come (see, this is so an entry that we would make fun of)!

Free as the wind blows

Today's highlight was the Toni Cade Bambara meeting this afternoon. Dr. Guy-Sheftall told us about the real TCB and conveyed how deeply she had lived her politics. She had squatted in an abandoned house in one of the "seedier" parts of Atlanta. She couldn't afford or refused to buy a new refrigerator so she had to tie a belt around the one she had to keep it closed. She didn't have a stable income and only took part time jobs so she could stay outside the capitalist system almost completely.

I don't know if I could do that. I may talk a good game but even the thought of leaving the institutions of higher learning is terrifying. I wanted the revolution to happen 20 min. ago and last just as long and when it's over I still want to be able to go to the cheesecake factory. I'm mad at myself b/c I'm still unwilling to take those radical steps like an assassination attempt, a real kamikaze mission, even simple civil disobedience like not paying taxes that are used to support an unjust war and a moralist political agenda. My activism thus far has been limited to protests and demonstrations that do little to incite the kind of change I wish to see. I do that safe government approved activism and nothing real seems to come of it. I wonder if I'll ever get to the point where I'm not afraid to go all out and live as free a life as Toni cade. I wonder if I could ever get to the point where I wouldn't need/want a bookcase full of my black feminist foremothers' works b/c it would all be in my head, that I'd become a true minimalist and shed the Banana for the thrift store. hmm . . .

I always feel like somebody's watchin' me . . .

So it was revealed that the 'ville kids, or at least one of them, reads the journal and the blog. Apparently my post new year's comments created quite a stir though no one addressed it publicly. I have to admit when I read it again, it was quite vicious. I'm not usually that vocal about racial incidents, particularly not things that happen in Fayetteville. For the most part I do what young black people learn to do when they grow up in all white environments and I pretend I didn't hear or see whatever it was that was offensive. I suppose I should speak up at the time but it makes people uncomfortable and draws attention to the fact that our collective color blind bubble is just that and the pop back to reality isn't so pleasant. It's weird now to know that I have a miscegenated audience and I really hope it doesn't affect my posting.

feelin' good feelin' great, feelin' great feelin' good how are you?

So I am finally out of this depressing funk I've been in for the last couple of days. Physical illness depresses my spirit; it makes me ill in other realms too. I was trying not to put that out into the ether though. As much as they say misery loves company, I like to play out my own melodramas alone because it makes it that much more dramatic.

At any rate, now I'm happy! It seems like I may get into grad school after all, a prospect which I was unusually pessimistic about before. I talked to my friend Corey from this summer about making a book, a compilation of the hopes and goals of the young brown people from the south of this nation to remind our mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles, etc. That we know there is still work to be done, that de facto segregation is not that different from de jure, and that we still need guidance. I also told someone else about my new thesis topic and it was well received. Now all I have to do is write it.

Oh and we interviewed Dazon today for our documentary. I didn't think it was possible for me to admire that woman more than I already did but after today I do. Did you know that she has taught women to give themselves self gyno exams?! That before Eve Ensler was even thinking of the vagina monologues Dazon was teaching women, around the world, how to examine their own cervixes for cancer? That before roe v. wade was passed she was working with a group that published illegal texts to help women give themselves safe and sterile abortions?!

Yeah so today was a good day!

I'm sick

So in full self pitying fashion, while my friends go out tonight for senior exclusive fun, I am watching My So Called Life. Ahh teen angst is a beautiful thing and so was jared leto as Jordan Catalano. He was cruel to Angela though. Sure he could make out with her in the boiler room but he couldn't be like seen with her at Buffalo Tom.

Happy Birthday to ya'!

On my day on, a contingent of spelman women and I, went to this forest in the 'hood that no one knew existed here in our own west end. We rolled up our sleeves (metaphorically, it was cold today) to help preserve the trails in this mini oasis in the heart of the impoverished black community. Of course it was a day of service so the likelihood of us going back is slim to none until another day of service rolls around. I have infinite respect for the people who fought for this place to exist, who continue to fight for it despite certain inquiries by corporations who would love to put another McDonald's or KFC in its place.

I have KFC on the brain b/c on the way to the site we were listening to Tom Joyner in the car. They were saying that the franchise is doing bang up business in China and that more are "needed." In Star and Buck Wild fashion, Jay Anthony Brown donned a stereotypical Chinese accent and proceeded to mockingly suggest how a Chinese person might order "Crew pieces of chick- en [crew=two]."Black people's discrimination against people from other nations still upsets me. This isn't to say that people from other nations don't have equally discriminatory things to say about us, but the voracity and public-ness of our ignorance seems to be eclipsed only by our white counterparts. I guess on this day of all days, I'd hoped for more talk of global solidarity, efforts to make those brave men and women who have gone before us, proud of our collective struggling. Well, the struggle continues . . .

What happened to "I love champagne?"

Chris Rock does three interludes on the new Lil' Jon album (ha ha, I said album) Crunk Juice including this one called get lower. I like to think that it's sarcasm though I'm pretty sure I'm mistaken.

Yo this is Chris Rock with Lil Jon, bein corrupted. I think it's time for the bitches to get a lil lower, lower then last time. That's right, I want you bitches to be under under. That's right, whan you see under, be under that motherfucker. LOW! LOW BITCH! Lower then a fucking pregnant ant's stomach bitch! LOWER! Whatchu doing standin bitch?! GET DOWN! Fucking incomin bitch! Incomin! GET LOW!!


For more misogynistic fun, check out other Lil' Jon lyrics

Guerilla Black?

well I suppose we should be happy it's not "gorilla black," right?

Want black people to be free, to be free, to be free . . .

I, along with nine other young black people, was named as a new leader in civil rights by AOL. I feel extremely honored to be included on the list among my sheroes Jessica Care Moore, Alisha Thomas Morgan, and Toni Blackman. Yet, (you knew that was coming) I feel like I'm being used as a tool in a conservative moral agenda.

I know it's not that serious, but the way the press has handled this has made it appear as though we are like those who have gone up against music moguls before, and are interested in censoring and waging war on the rap industry. It isn't that simple.

I am the eternal conspiracy theorist and I know controversy sells, so a part of me wonders if there has been some intentional stoking of the fire in terms of the "nelly protest."

I am also concerned because there seems to be some effort on the part of the right wing media to align themselves with this issue. It seems to be so easy for people to paint this conversation reactionary red as opposed to seeing it as a step in progressing a humanist/feminist agenda in the black community.

On an unrelated note, I've noticed a trend in the media concerning the representation of black men. In several recent commercials I have seen black men portrayed as ignorant and incompetent. T Mobile has two commercials featuring Big Boi and Snoop, both calling on celebrity friends to aid them in their predicaments. In snoops case, the little person of Jackass fame laments snoop's ignorance regarding when to use fabric softener. In the commercial featuring Big Boi, he doesn't know how much a pat of butter is and is chastised for not knowing. A digital cable commercial features a black man that believes he was at the game b/c of the superior AV quality much to the bemusement of his white friends who try to explain that they watched the game on TV. A black man is driving in his car through various weather conditions looking astonished because as we learn from text, the weatherman has reported different weather than what the driver is experience. At the end of the ad we learn that the black man is the weatherman and an angry white citizen throws a snowball at him for his obviously inaccurate prediction of a record high. The inept black man is in again.

I just wish that there was some way to interrupt the hegemonic power structure, however briefly, so people could get some perspective on all that's going on in the world. The struggle continues . . .

Love don't live here anymore . . .

I talked to Jalylah and of course she knows someone who knows Jordan Carlos. I guess the fail safe white girl tips were gathered through more field research than I thought. Ah, c'est la vie . . .

I've been listening to Jean Grae all day today. She spits fire! I think I have to put up my mc mic before I even rock it because I can't disrespect the art. The only reason I wanted to be an mc was to change the game but Jean and Apani B are already doing that. They just need to get signed. I'm just a little interloper who would better serve them by buying all their tracks. Unfortunately, this is proving to be a lot more difficult being that I live in the south where we pretty much only get mainstream east coast stuff. Can someone help me?

The other thing about Jean is that I saw her live one night when I went to New York for the yari yari conference. It was weird b/c bettina was with me at first and there was even another black girl there, kinda artsy girl, kinda reminded me of Jade, the acting major theo made out with resulting in a split with Justine on the Cosby Show. Anyhoo, DJ Kuttin Kandi is hosting, and I felt a little weird about that b/c I interviewed her the semester before about being a female dj and then my teacher canceled the project that the interview was supposed to be a part of. I felt really bad about that and was unsure of how to tell her it wasn't going to happen. So anyway kuttin kandi asks for people to come to the front so we are close to the stage b/c the place is so not packed so the 3 of us move closer and all the men hang back. As the night wears on, the artsy girl bounces and so does bettina. So it's me, a lonley black girl in a see of mostly black men with a couple of white dudes too. then some asian and white girls come and they don't stay.

Finally jean comes out and I'm right up against the stage. I didn't know any of her songs so i'm just doing a slight head nod and i must have looked real weird or serious or something. I think I freaked her out a little bit, I mean a random black girl at a show? but I love you Jean, I was just new to the scene, didn't know how to act, you know what i mean? (a little rhyme for ya)

So DaBrat on the surreal life? well that should be interesting . . .

I'm in love!

His name is Jordan Carlos and he's a D list celebrity (aren't you D list for just being on tv?) who is often on VH1, quipping about the pop culture of the week or growing up rich and black. It was the latter that made me swoon, or rather google him, find his blog where I then swooned at his tales of being a bougie (please someone tell me how to properly spell this!) black boy.

As much as I subcribe to anti-imperialist socialistic ideals, I can't deny my own privleged black girl background. And I do attend Spelman College, the BAP (Think JAP, not WWII though) capital of the free world.

I wish there were boys like him at Morehouse. Instead there are boys who were like him who pretend to be hard when they come to school. You know your from hyde park and not cabrini green! To be fair there probably are a few like him across the street but I never see them. They could be using his fail safe tips to pick up white girls at emory and agnes scott. Oh! To be young, gifted, black and female!

I've got a boyfriend . . .

Martha Redbone was on the xm radio today! Jalylah and i saw her perform at a free concert in brooklyn two summers ago. She opened for donnie, who remains m.i.a. It was her song about meeting some guy and she was kinda crushin' on him but he says "i've got a boyfriend . . ."

i'm not sure what i think about the song. it's kinda cute, barring what could be veild heterosexist projections of disapointment. I'm gonna leave that alone.

Props to martha for movin' on up and getting radio play!