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well anonymous, my love life is pretty non-existent, except that i love lots of people in lots of different ways— i've had and still do have fabulous friends and lovers (and some that weren't so fabulous, of course). i'm openly poly, but pretty much single right now (so if you know someone, ehem). i'm not looking, but i am open to whatever ways love shows itself. always open to love.
today, to be specific, i'm in love with a wonderful woman, who is not in love with me. however, we love each other a lot, and are great friends to each other, and sometimes it makes me happy just to be experiencing such profound love, and sometimes it makes me feel sad that i'm not getting love in the way i want/had imagined, etc. boo/hiss for expectations. also sometimes, love makes me feel tortured and super emo. but that's just my emo personality.
file this under: tmi.
what i learned in the past month and past 31 years…
–offer free babysitting for folks who are going to hit the streets or do other kinds of work/revolt that is more difficult with children around
–let people sleep on your couch, bed, mattress, floor. offer crash space.
–if you have internet. share internet w those who dont.
–keep the bar stocked.
–keep cigarettes stocked
–if you have al jazeera english. let folks come over and watch. call folks with the latest news if you know they dont have access.
–keep basic first aid supplied handy
–be a street medic. ( i will never forget the guy who came to me with coca cola to blow in my nose to off set the effects of tear gas. it fucking worked.)
–if you can translate, do so. like it was so helpful when we could watch state tv and have someone translate for us, or watch aje and vice versa for the arabic speakers.
–joke and laugh a lot. morbid jokes are totally appropriate.
–trust chaos. (fighting it accomplishes nada)
–keep food stocked. (you never know who is coming by. or when stores will be open or closed. )
–take pictures. document. reflect the revolution to the world. tell the stories.
–fight. if you cant fight on the front lines, support the people who are fighting on the front lines.
–remember its not about you or me. its about freedom.
–model self care. (ppl who need to take time to take care of themselves are more likely to do so when they know that others around them are doing the same.)
by Rowland Túpac Keshena
For those who don't know much about me, I am a currently studying for a Masters Degree in Public Issues Anthropology, specializing in a Fanon and MLM infused analysis of revolutionary Native nationalist and anti-colonialist movements in North Amerika. I also have really strong interrelated interests in revolutionary critical pedagogy, the "reindigenization" of the Chicano community and movement and, the subject of this post, indigenous feminism. Anyway, one of the perks of my program is that I can create my own courses, and I've taken such a route this semester by creating my own directed studies course in indigenous feminist theory.
The growth of indigenous feminism is, for me, a huge interest, both personal and academic, not just because of the obvious importance struggling against both white supremacist (ne0)colonial capitalism and hetero-patriarchy if we want to achieve meaningful freedom, justice and equality, but also because for a long time the status quo within our movement was that you could not be both a feminist and a native warrior. On the one hand we are not Native enough if we call ourselves and our movement feminist, but on the other we are not feminist enough for the whitestream feminists since we pointing out that the whitestream movement does not take us, and our unique experiences and struggles into account. I am indigenous man and I find this to be one of the greatest failings of our movement, and for that reason I wholeheartedly endorse, support and promote the rise of an indigenous feminism.
Anyway, with that in mind and in the spirit of sharing ideas, and radical education I've decided to post my reading list for others to take a look a lot, critique and/or otherwise contribute their thoughts. It's made up of a mix of books and articles, both academic and non-academic, which are available on line.
Books:
Making Space for Indigenous Feminism, edited by Joyce Green
I Am Woman: A Native Perspective on Sociology and Feminism, by Lee Maracle
From a Native Daughter: Colonialism and Sovereignty in Hawaii, by Haunani-Kay Trask
Conquest: Sexual Violence and American Indian Genocide, by Andrea Smith
Talkin' Up to the White Woman: Indigenous Women and Feminism, by Eileen Morton-Robinson
Online Articles:
Indigenous Feminism Without Apology, by Andrea Smith
Jennifer Nez Denetdale on Indigenous Feminisms
An Indigenous Perspective on Feminism, Militarism, and the Environment, by Winona LaDuke
Zapatismo and the Emergence of Indigenous Feminism, by Aida Hernandez Castillo
Academic Journal Publications:
Wicazo Sa Review "Native Feminisms: Legacies, Interventions, and Indigenous Sovereignties," guest edited by Mishuana R. Goeman and Jennifer Nez Denetdale
Whiteness Matters: Implications of Talking Up to the White Woman, by Eileen Morton-Robinson
Race, Tribal Nation, and Gender: A Native Feminist Approach to Belonging, by Renya Ramirez
Introduction: Special Issue on Native American Women, Feminism, and Indigenism, by Anne Waters
Patriarchal Colonialism and Indigenism: Implications for Native Feminist Spirituality and Native Womanism, by M. A. Jaimes Guerrero
Dismantling the Master's Tools with the Master's House: Native Feminist Liberation Theologies, by Andrea Smith
oh my gods yes. This reading list is amazing.
I don't want sustainable life. I want an excuse to go out like a martyr, with an appropriate amount of glory, and just never have to worry about shit else from that point on.
I want a full, adventurous, 30 year life-span of badassery and then I just want to call it a day.
The. End.
For years, copying other people, I tried to know myself.
From within, I couldn't decide what to do.
Unable to see, I heard my name being called.
Then I walked outside.
The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don't go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want.
Don't go back to sleep.
People are going back and forth across the doorsill
where the two worlds touch.
The door is round and open.
Don't go back to sleep.
-RumiThank you to the Caravan of Dreams
this is what I am reading now - an article linked from Questioning Transphobia's 101 - and I am going to follow these steps as best I can, and will most certainly fuck up in the un-fucking-up process. but here goes.
When you "Fuck Up" (whether the fuck-up is minor or major) practice the "Four A's".
- Acknowledgment
- Apology
- Amends
- Action
#1) Acknowledgment — is really important, IMO, because if you don't realize what you actually did, and how it was "fucked up", there's a high probability that you are going to do it again — a very high probability.
#2) Apology — is also really important — but it has to be genuine (which requires #1 - Acknowledgment). Saying things like "I'm sorry if you felt bad about what I said/wrote" or "I'm sorry if your feelings got hurt", is, IMO, completely different from saying "I'm sorry that I said/wrote that. I see how it was fucked up, and here's how I know that it was fucked up … . . ". (Keep in mind that "if" is a word reserved for hypotheticals, and doesn't usually refer to real life. When used in apology, "if" is usually just a dilutive, and if you can't really apologize, then don't apologize at all. Sort of a perverse Thumper ethic.)
#3) Amends — sometimes the energy required to actually think about how you fucked up and make an honest acknowledgment/apology is enough to return balance to the situation (depends on the type of fuck up, though). In some cases, "making amends" might also mean returning money/energy/time that your fuck-up created for someone else. This can be returned in any of a number of creative ways. Example: If you got all defensive in an argument, and therefore the argument took eight hours instead of 30 minutes… consider just giving the person with whom you got all defensive eight hours of your time to do for them something that they might have gotten done if you hadn't been all uppity-up in yourself being a defensive shit (not that I've ever done that … .no, that has never happened with me… . . OK, maybe just that once … OK — Fuck it! I'm completely busted here … .)
#4) Action — This may be the most important of the 4 A's. If you know that you did something that was fucked up, and you've expressed that you're genuinely sorry that you did this fucked up thing, then really, the only concrete evidence of this will be that you will change what you do in the future. For me, if I don't take this step (action), the other three are just so much manipulation.
I need to be clear on what I'm acknowledging, and honest about the consequences. so right now I'm going to go read what people wrote on the reblogs of my furious, prescriptive, poorly-thought-out, mess of a last post, and think about them, and then proceed using this model.
At the start of the new millennium the Dalai Lama apparently issued eighteen rules for living.
1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three Rs:
1. Respect for self
2. Respect for others3. Responsibility for all your actions.
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
Number 4! Number 4! Going from A+ to fail minus college student killed my law school dreams… But it gave me room to realize I was just trying to please my parents! And Law was almost the opposite of what I want to do with life! Yaaaay for failure! :]
yes, I may be all fearlessand vulnerable and ROOOOAAWR. But in reality….I be scared that when I stand up for myself that the person may not fuck with me no more.
And you know what blood, thats none of my business.
I'd rather you be mad @ me than me be mad @ you.
My feelings are my job. Not yours.
#Pow. Stand up for yourself. Its contagious.
#NoOutcomes.
#NohandsMa.